Friday, May 15, 2015

A Modest Proposal: Let USA and Russia Unite to Guard Palmyra
    by Gianna Giavelli

Sometimes it's the simplest things that vex us. America's mad dog force Al-Quaeda, I mean Al-Nusra, I mean ISIL err wait I mean ISIS is now at the gates of the ancient Syrian city of Palmyra. 

Remember Indiana Jones Part III and the ancient city with the fountain of youth? That's what Palmyra looks like. Beautiful columns carved into the rockface from our ancient dawn of pre-history. And it's all about to be lost forever like the giant Buddha statues in Afghanistan. 

Now, while the Koran may say not to have any pictures of Muhammed, it says nothing about destroying everything of every other religion. But these fanatics are clear - they will tolerate nothing not even mans greatest historical legacies. If they could, they would destroy even the pyramids. 

So we are faced with a dillema. And I would like to submit a modest proposal. Clearly Assad does not have the forces to protect the most important historical city in his country. So what to do? 

And then it came to me. For so much time America and Russia have engaged in a synthetic war when really our people should be closer than ever. Russia has embraced capitalism in their own unique way, new freedom and prosperity, and while like us they don't have free elections or government and still have a security chekka state (just like us!) heck, its like America and Russia split the difference and merged in the middle. So why are we fighting? 

Instead, we should each send a battallion to Palmyra. 50 tanks, artillary, air support (maybe some of those AC-130s with rail guns they can take out 1000 men over lunch) and camp out there. Maybe our military will recognize that we aren't such different people. Maybe the friendships they form will work their way up the chain of command until finally this silly fake but all too dangerous war stance abides to peace and prosperity.  

We would show the russians our great new modern weapons that we have bankrupted and starved our country to produce, and they will show us their great new modern weapons that they have bankrupted and starved their country to produce. Heck, maybe our colonel can take a ride in a MIG-29 in exchange for some VTOL action. Let ISIS try a skirmish when suddenly the roar of Russia's newest 120mm tank blasts them to smitheens. "Ha ha ha foolish dogs" laughs the russian. "When McCain funded them, they seemed so much better groomed and polite" says the American launching another drone strike from a squadron of predators. "Dis drone stuff, is cool eh? But it lacks the human side. We still like to squish our opponents by hand" says Vlad. "You're being old fashioned!" says John the drone pilot, swigging back more vodka. 

I say give it a go. It's time for peace in the world and its time to show the ISIS pipsqueaks what happens if they dare attack a real army. 

UPDATE 3/21/16: Palymra is now reduced to tiny rubble. The great temples are forever gone, destroyed by the mad dog insantity of Islam. No one listened. sigh.

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